Walking on eggshells: When control becomes abuse
Dear Annie: Lately, I’ve been struggling with my husband’s temper, and I don’t know what to do. When things don’t go his way — whether it’s something small like dinner plans or something bigger like finances — he lashes out. He calls me names, belittles me and makes me feel like I’m always in the wrong. I try to keep the peace, but it feels like nothing I do is ever good enough.
One thing that really bothers me is that he’s started throwing away my makeup, telling me I don’t need it. It feels controlling, as if he’s trying to dictate how I should look or what I’m allowed to do. I’ve tried talking to him about how much this hurts me, but he brushes it off or gets defensive. I’m starting to feel like I’m walking on eggshells in my own home.
I love my husband, but I’m worried that this behavior isn’t normal — or worse, that it could escalate. Am I overreacting? Is there a way to get through to him and make him see how his actions are affecting me? Or is this a sign of something deeper that I need to take more seriously?
I would really appreciate any advice on how to handle this situation before it gets worse. — Feeling Trapped
Dear Trapped: You are feeling trapped because that is exactly what your husband is trying to do to you. His behavior is controlling and abusive; it sounds like it is getting worse, and it absolutely must stop. You are smart to recognize the warning signs and to reach out for advice.
Calling you names, belittling you and throwing away your belongings — especially personal items like your makeup — are all tactics meant to undermine your confidence and make you feel powerless. This is not about the makeup; it’s about control. The fact that you’re walking on eggshells around him is a serious red flag.
You are not overreacting. You deserve to be treated with kindness, love and respect in your own home. A healthy relationship does not include name-calling, intimidation or dismissing your feelings. If talking to him only leads to more anger and defensiveness, it’s time to set clear boundaries for yourself. Consider reaching out to a trusted friend, family member or even a professional counselor who can help you navigate this situation safely.
If his behavior escalates or you feel threatened, please don’t hesitate to seek support from a domestic abuse hotline.
Dear Annie: I’m a 56-year-old (turning 57 in June) who has lived with nocturnal enuresis — the clinical term for bedwetting — for years. To manage it, I wear adult-sized cloth or disposable diapers with waterproof covers, and I protect my bed with rubber and plastic sheets. This system helps me maintain my dignity, hygiene and peace of mind.
What I struggle with isn’t my condition; it’s the stigma around how I manage it. There seems to be a double standard when it comes to wearing diapers. Society accepts them for special needs children, the elderly and those with neurodegenerative diseases like Alzheimer’s or multiple sclerosis. But when an otherwise healthy adult wears them for a legitimate medical reason, it’s met with ridicule or judgment. Even some medical professionals seem to view diapers as “babyish” rather than as a practical medical tool.
Why does this stigma exist? Why is something as simple as a medical garment treated with embarrassment or shame when it serves a necessary purpose? I’d love to hear your thoughts. — Diapered and Disillusioned
Dear Diapered and Disillusioned: Unfortunately, society has a way of attaching unnecessary stigma to perfectly practical solutions. Diapers are a medical tool, no different from glasses or a cane, yet people associate them with infancy rather than necessity. The double standard you mention likely comes from discomfort with topics related to bodily functions; many prefer to ignore what they don’t understand.
The good news is that you don’t need society’s approval to manage your health. Wear your diapers with confidence, and don’t let ignorance dictate your self-worth.