Dear Annie: Money can be one of the biggest sources of stress in a marriage, and it sounds like some people who write in to you feel more like accountants than equal partners. That’s a red flag. A healthy financial arrangement should feel fair, transparent and respectful — not like you’re under a microscope while your husband has free rein.

My husband and I have always shared a joint checking account, but I’ve started to feel like I have little control over our finances. Even though I earn as much — or sometimes more — than he does, I still feel like I have to justify my spending, while he treats our account like his personal ATM.

I’m starting to wonder if we should separate our finances to avoid arguments and create more financial independence. What’s the best way to go about this? Should we have separate accounts but still share certain expenses? And how can I ensure I’m protected financially if something were to happen?

I’d love your advice on the smartest way to manage money in a marriage while keeping things fair and transparent. — Seeking Financial Balance

Dear Balance: One way to handle this situation is to have separate accounts, along with a shared account for household expenses. You could each contribute a set amount to the joint account for bills, while keeping your own spending money separate. This allows for your independence while still working as a team.

Just as important, make sure your name is on all key financial documents — joint bank accounts, the mortgage and any shared credit cards. If you don’t already have credit in your own name, open an account now.

Even if finances have always been “his thing,” you have every right to be fully involved. A marriage should be a partnership, not a power struggle. Have an honest conversation with your husband about making finances more equitable. If he resists, that’s another red flag — one worth paying attention to.”

“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Go to http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.