Dear Annie: You told a reader to call doctors by their last name until invited otherwise. Your writer had called the doctor by the first name on the first visit. Had she never been to a doctor before? No one should think this is appropriate!

This is a formal, professional relationship, and a measure of respect is needed. This is not a casual friend relationship, but one of enormous importance and confidentiality and absolutely requires the separation of a doctor-patient relationship. It’s not, “Let’s be pals” during a first visit. Yes, a friendly relationship may develop, but over many years and with mutual respect. I would think in college this patient called their professors “Dr. So and So,” but she doesn’t understand what to call her physician?

The health care environment has multiple providers, such as nurse practitioners, physician’s assistants and physical therapists. It is important to understand who is delivering your care and the expectations of that provider’s role, which includes using the term doctor or nurse, or, if the provider prefers only a first name, informing the patient of this preference.

If the doctor says, “Hello, I am Dr. Franconia,” the patient should use Dr. Franconia. It’s really that simple. — Doctor for 30 years

Dear Doctor for 30 Years: Thank you for your letter. Several other doctors wrote in expressing similar thoughts, including this one:

Dear Annie. Thank you for your thoughtful response to “Just Wondering,” who was confused when her doctor told her it was inappropriate to call her by her first name.

I disagree with one thing. I have been a physician for 39 years and would NEVER address an adult patient by their first name unless they specifically invited me to use it. The patient’s mistake was awkward. The doctor’s was rude. — Manners Matter

Dear Manners Matter: I love how you signed your letter and could not agree more with you that manners do matter.

Dear Annie: For over 50 years, I have been enjoying advice columns. Never, before today, have I felt compelled to write in.

Your answer to “Just Wondering,” who asked about calling her doctor by her first name, was frustrating. Where is the young doctor’s respect for her patients? If young doctors expect others to address them as doctor out of professional respect, they should address older patients as Mr. or Ms. out of personal respect. This is a formality often ignored today, but in the instance where others expect formality, they should reciprocate. — Respectful Patient

Dear Respectful Patient: Thank you for your insight. It’s really a variation of the golden rule, to treat others as you want to be treated.

“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now. Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Go to http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.